Sunday, July 21, 2024

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HomeIssue 7Cruising The Alice like the Queen

Cruising The Alice like the Queen

Single Female Bike Rider 7

Slow fun

. On a bike one experiences the world very differently from in a car.
First of all, as a Single Female Bike Rider I am, for the first time keenly aware of how lovely Alice smells. That familiar herby smell of the gum trees is everywhere.
While driving a car I used to think the fences everywhere were really ugly and stupid, but now that I’m passing them by with lower speed I appreciate them, don’t ask me why, I know it is crazy. Now and then someone even steps through a gate and says hello.
I used to positively hate Larapinta Drive when I was a fat assed car driver. This has completely changed. Wiggling my slender ass on my saddle I enjoy every inch of Larapinta Drive now. Again, do not ask why, it is beyond me too, but Larapinta Drive is my favorite ride.
My pleasure in riding must be contagious in a mysterious way because people greet me all the time.
I feel like the Queen, my hand in air, my head nodding in every direction. Hello, hello, hi! Good morning to you too! This might have something to do with the fact that I know so many people in Alice.
Once on Larapinta Drive it is tempting to just go straight onto Stott Terrace and take a sharp left downhill to Chiffley’s for a coffee.
Sitting at the pool with fountain, under the palm trees with a double shot of coffee I ponder the future: shall I start my own business again and sell Kronans in Alice?


  1. A guy is driving back from Adelaide and he sees a sign in front of a road house 90 klm from Alice Springs: ‘Talking Dog For Sale.’ He stops and enters and asked the owner about the dog. He tells him the dog is in the backyard. 
    The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking dingo sitting there. 
    ‘You talk?’ he asks. 
    ‘Yep,’ the dingo replies. 
    After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says ‘So, what’s your story?’ 
    The dingo looks up and says, ‘Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. 
    In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders because no-one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. 
    I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running.
    But the jetting around really tired me out and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in.
    I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.
    I got married, had a mess of puppies and now I’m just retired.’ 
    The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. 
    ‘Ten dollars,’ the guy says.
    ‘Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?’ 
    ‘Because he’s a Bullshitter. He’s never been out of the yard!’


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